Tom Selleck

My parents are not “squares.” Is that a lame way to say that they’re kind of cool, without admitting that my parents are kind of cool? I think it is, but I really am not interested in saying that I think my parents are cool. But yeah, they kind of are. According to my mom, they were really cool before I was born, even though I know way more people who do coke than my mom did when she was my age. Yeah, I judge how cool I am by how many cokeheads I’m friends with, with bonus points for how many times people offer me coke. For the record, that was once, but I’m still taking my bonus points whenever I feel low.

Slouchy hats

Or, why I wish I had Kirsten Dunst’s head. I don’t envy her much right now, with that whole scandal over her “lying” about why she went to rehab, but I do wish I had her headshape. To be honest, I love Kirsten Dunst. Total girlcrush. I can’t help it, and I absolutely do not understand why people on the internet don’t like her. Maybe because most of my friends, if they were celebrities, would be derided on the internet for being alcoholic and/or drug-addicted hipsters, I just find Kiki so relatable. That’s probably why I keep trying to wear the slouchy hats that she’s practically trademarked.